Tear Stains
by sakimidare
Summary: He valued his scarf more for the memories than for the warmth it provided. The best way to remember the time when he could still love someone was to count the tear stains in his scarf. Song Meme about various pairings with Russia. Supposed to be a 10-shot
1. Song 1

**A/N: I know...I'm supposed to be working on two stories that no one reviews but just puts on stupid alert..not that I don't appreciate it, but I like it even more when you people review*hinthint***

**Whatever..so I was trying out one of these Ipod Song Memes or whatever it is called. They're in seperate chapters 'cos of the fact that I can't stick to one pairing and also 'cos I wanted to. **

**And I bring you a list of very disturbing songs that make up my current songlist. Beofre you read this, I'd like to remind you that no, I'm not psycho, I just enjoy dark songs. And no, that doesn't automatically make me a psycho. What makes you think so? Now shut up or I'll impa- uh, right, just. Hope you enjoy^^(and leave a review if you like it, instead of just favouriting it and moving on, please?)**

**Song 1: I Hate Everything About You – Three Day's Grace**

**RusAme**

The USSR hated America. And vice versa.

That much was true. A constant fact in the face of a constantly swirling and shifting world.

Ivan Braginsky and Alfred Jones loved each other.

That was also true. As true -if not more than- the first fact.

They had been best friends. Ivan was the first person to show his trust in America when he had been torn between two opposing Voices. He had held him through all the headaches, the suicidal nights when one of the Voices wanted to kill the Other.

And Ivan would never forget the first time Alfred had kissed him. Out of the blue.

Ivan was returning to his own country after the Union's win, and Alfred had kissed him. Right on the dockyard, in front of everyone.

The USSR looked on coldly as tears seeped into Ivan Braginsky's scarf.


	2. Song 2

**Song 2: Higurashi non Naku Koro ni – Eiko Shimamiya**

**RusPruss/RoPru**

None of them had a home to return to anymore, and both knew it.

For Russia had closed all his doors when he became the USSR and forced them all to live with – or rather, under – him, and even if Prussia didn't like being commanded by another, everyone knew that once the GDR was dissolved, he would probably disappear too, like Germania and Ancient Rome.

Even so, Prussia still wanted to be free. Every night, he told Russia, whose hands would be around his slender frame, as much. Russia would only smile sadly at him, and say nothing, and that would be enough talk for both of them. Prussia's face would be buried into Russia's coat, and Russia's face in his hair. And though they never looked at each other, or talked about it later, they would both know that the other was crying.

**A/N: Thank you for your reviews and favs! *huge internet hug to everyone who reviewed/alerted/fav'd* **

**Also, the name of this song. Its the opening to Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni(First Season, the one without the Chiru or Rei after its name) and I can't find the name anywhere. And its listed as Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni in the site I got it from - not just as an opening to the anime - and the phrase repeats itself a few times in the real song itself, so I concluded that that was the name of the song. If any of you know otherwise, I'd be grateful to know. Again, the first line "_Since you don't have a home to return to_"(or that was how the translation I have says it is, but Japanese is such a context-based language, ne?) is taken from that song. Just in case someone wanted to know how I related it. I'm sorry for errors in either that one line translation or the Title of the song.**

**And if someone wants to ask me why I diverged from the first pairing, I can't help it! Vanechka's so bipolar it makes his relationships with everyone so dynamic and and and I kinda support all pairings with him in it that's just me wanting to see him getting _lots _more love and last but not the least? I ...the songs decided it. I don't know how, but when I'm writing, the story writes itself. I'm not that much of a conscious writer, I guess^^"**

**Also, I'm kind of hyper-ventilating right now and you don't need to read this part 'cos its just me rambling again. Its just 10 a.m. here today, and I was teaching my male cousin to cook and he burnt it and I went "Iggy not again!" and he was all "Who the hell is Iggy?" I just kinda stared at him then said, "You're as hopeless as Arthur. Get OUT OF MY KITCHEN!" Yep, I'm kinda possessive about it since I spend half my time there anyway.**

**Wut? I like to plot to poison the World's food supply- eh, er, I mean, bake cookies. Is there something wrong with that? EVen if I am a 15-year-old...people these days are so judgmental.T_T**

**I should just shut my trap now...g'day to y'all!**


	3. Song 3

**Song 3: Amour – Rammstein**

**RoChu**

"Its over."

"Jao..."

"I am China, please address me as so from now on."

"But.."

"..."

This couldn't be happening...

"There can be nothing without trust, Russia."

"But it wasn't me, my Bo-"

"I don't care, Ivan."

How could Ivan have done this to him? He of all people should know that if there was one thing Yao

could not forgive, it would be a breach of trust. He had hurt Yao worse than even Kiku, and what was his reason? _Nothing_! He didn't have the decency of even finding an excuse!

"But I still love you!"

Despite everything...everything..Yao felt that pang in his heart and knew he was going to break down anytime now.

"I love yout oo, Ivan." He said quietly, cutting through Russia's panicked words, "but you know what? It doesn't matter. We're nations...what our Bosses do, want us to do, we have no way but to do that."

"Then..what about us, Jao?" he looked just like a lost little child...like when Yao had rescued him from Mongolia.

"It doesn't matter, Ivan, it doesn't matter...if we were normal human beings, instead of China and Russia...if..."

Ivan didn't need the tremble in Yao's voice to tell him that his Jao was crying.

"..only if.."

"But we are not."

Yao didn't need to look at Ivan's turned away face to see the tears in his eyes.


	4. Song 4

**A/N: Aren't you getting used to me rambling by now? Uh..anyway, I just wanted to apologise for the irregularity of it...a-anyway, I'll be going on a four-month-long Hiatus after November ends. Extremely sorry for that, but Life...(and school, and obsessive parents, and SC exams, and Selection Exams, and all kind of stupid projects, and I don't know anymore TT)**

**Song 4: Still Doll - Kanon Wakeshima**

**RusLiet**

"Are you alright, Toris?"

The cup was filled to the brim, the tea spilling onto the desk - a result of the Pourer's trembling hand and the Pourer being too distracted to notice it.

Toris wanted to scream : "Why?"

Ivan always asked him the same question after every 'Punishment'. He cleaned Toris' wounds himself, all the while whispering things like how much he was sorry, and it hurt him to hurt Toris, and while Toris wanted to believe that it was because he didn't want anyone else to know about...it, that he was only rubbing his face into it, he couldn't.

Because he remembered.

He remembered a time before Time began for the USSR.

Their story began before the Beginning.

Ivan hadn't always been like this.

He had been breaking, yes, but he wasn't this...destructive, this...insecure.

After Alexei and Anastasia's(1) death, the Insecurity began.

And with it came the madness.

Russia was broken.

And try as he might, Toris couldn't pretend not to know that the other man drank himself to sleep until he was so numbed that he couldn't feel remorse or guilt.

Or remember.

**A/N: More angst/shot/.**

**I promise the next one is fluffier. Shorter, but fluffier.**

**Review please? And fuel My Laziness to actually type this up?**


	5. Song 5

**Song 5: Sounan - Tokyo Jihen**

**RoPru**

The fall of USSR. The end of GDR.

The..death of two nations?

None of them knew. Or cared.

"You know...we might die."

"Uh-huh. And what about it, Preussen."

He chuckled. " My people will be free."

The USSR looked him in the eyes and said the last thing anyone would expect from him.

"So will be mine."

* * *

Moscow was grey. The grey had somehow seeped into their minds. As far as they could see, it was a bleak, repetitive landscape, the monotony broken with splotches of Red.

The Red of blood. The Red of Death.

The Red of Communism. The Red of a Dream.

The Red of love. The Red of Life.

Lying side by side on the snow, looking up at the sky, they made a silent promise.

"I won't disappear."

Then a smile. Three unspoken words.

* * *

"Veeee~ Gil, you're alive!" Feli's hug almost threw Gilbert backwards. Almost.

But he was used to hugs from a man of much larger stature by now.

And there were only two people in the world who knew that he enjoyed them.

**A/N: Not really satisfied...tweaked it too much..Review please?**


	6. Song 6

_A/N: I'm on a hiatus from my hiatus! And so I will now finish up Tear Stains – I have all the chapters done already! All I need to do is to type 'em up and post 'em! And Guess what? - strikes a pose – I am going to stop being a lazy ass and finish it! - makes a somewhat determined face (since she does not know how to) – I swear! And you guys have two omakes...which are already typed up, so you don't have to worry about My Procrastination-ness -.-;;;_

_Also, short chapter is short, but this was all. And another chapter will be up by tonight, so I think its not too unfair to you._

_And much love to **Valkerie.**_

_I'll finish this within a week. Give me some feedback if you want to – too tired to actually care but says it out of habit – _

**Song 6 : Prisoner of Love – Utada Hikaru**

**RoPru (again -.-;;)**

He bites his lower lip, reminding himself that he need not speak, because whatever he has to say, wants to say, will never matter – regardless of its potential – to the Russian.

Ivan, faced away from him, worries the already frayed edges of his tan scarf. He knows that the Prussian was going through a difficult time – this was all for his own good but Ivan somehow doubted that the Prussian could understand or appreciate that – and he just can not find the words that would make it right, the words to express himself, but what he really wants to say is this : " If you want to talk, I will be here, and I will be willing to listen."

_A/N: Gah..stupis chapter is stupid!~ I swear it sounded better in my head!_


	7. Song 7

_A/N: ...nothing..._

_On a hiatus from my Hiatus -.-;;_

_I swear that made sense in my mind_

_THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SONGS!_

_Its in Bengali, and its title translates to "Have You Ever Thought" and the band name translates to "The Horses of Mohin._

_I'll translate the extract which inspired me : "Have you ever Thought_

_We are drifting apart_

_Farther – even farther than the stars_

_Slowly, from each other."_

_I fail at translating! Also, freaking Bengali does not wish to be translated -cries- _

_Go listen to it, if you like some slow but haunting beats. _

_Date:12 January, 2011._

**Song 7: Bhebe Dekhecho Ki – Mohiner Ghoraguli**

**RoPru**

He hummed a tune under his breath against Gilbert's shoulder, making the silverette gave him a half amused, half disbelieving look in his direction.

"We are supposed to be discussing battle plans, not have a singing party and all that shit." Though he said it with a stern face, Ivan knew him too well to not notice the spark of amusement in his red eyes.

Ivan blinked innocently and tilted his head to the side – suppressing a smirk as he visibly saw the silverette in front of him trying not to squeal outright and hug the air out of him – Gilbert was quite fond of cute things, after all, although Russia refused to think of himself as cute – but he was alright with that if Gilbert kept surprising him with the squeals and hugs and faces of pure ecstasy and if it rendered the albino unable to stay mad at him for more than five consecutive minutes (As Gilbert had claimed) – and asked "This is how you make battle plans , then?". He indicated towards their rather – compromising – position, with the silverette practically in Ivan's lap, Ivan's chin resting on his shoulder, and the map in front of them that was lying open and which the two obviously weren't paying any attention to and which was their reason for being there in the first place.

Gilbert felt his eye twitch as he scowled (and not pouted. Certainly not pouted) at his lov – errr, ally of sorts. Kind of. May be. Well, they were allied for the time being, at least.

"Well, its your place, so I am following your customs, which basically means that this is all your fault, Idiot." he grumbled, trying not to give in to the childish look that the Russian was putting on for his benefit. Sometimes, he could almost kill the other for daring to make his heart melt with as little as a look.

Ivan gave him a silent stare, which suddenly turned brooding- Gilbert shivered as he felt the temperature in the tent lower, and wondered what he had said to set off his (very bipolar) lo – ally. Yes, ally – before saying, in a noticeably darker tone , "As if. I have a feeling that this is how you discuss all your battle plans."

Gilbert felt a shudder run through him, so the Russian was jealous. Somehow, he wasn't as scared as he should be. He was kind of secretly happy, not that he would ever admit that to anyone. He puffed his cheeks, deciding that two could play at that game, and offered Ivan his sweetest smile, saying in the sweetest voice he could manage, "Is that how you want me to discuss the war?" , leaning further into the Russian, who regarded him for a second before kissing him.

"_Da_, Gilbert, _moy_ _Zaichik_, but only with me."

Almost two centuries later, the same words came back to haunt Gilbert every night in his dreams – nightmares.

A flash of black leather, cutting through the air.

A pale, porcelain back.

A red flag.

The flash of lightning slicing through the bare ivory back, criss crossing it with slashes of red.

A crazed smile, eyes that didn't quite know where they belonged.

The crunch of a boot, as a gloved hand pets his cheeks and ruffles his hair. A sickeningly sweet childish tone.

"_Da_, Gilbert, _moy_ _Zaichik_, I want you to be happy, but only with me."

**A/N: Translations : **

**Moy Zaichik : Russian : my Bunny**

**Da : Russian : Yes**

**Idiot :German : idiot (like this one was even needed -.-;;)**

**Hmm..so, my take on how the Bloody Sunday amplified Rossiya-chan's ...erm...bipolarity?*totally a supporter of Anastasia was Rossiya's baby Daughter Figure***

**IDEK, I felt this was stupid. Please review and I will return the favour*my not so subtle bribe***

**But it might take some time -.-;;**


	8. Omake I

**A/N: Hiatus still not over...**

**Omake 1!**

**Date: 26th Dec, 2010**

**Omake 1!**

"_My Field...has seen so much Bloodshed_

_Blood of the People of the Past"_

The violet-eyed boy looked the Giant into the eyes, trying his best to hide the tremors racking his small frame.

He could name a thousand ways by which this man standing before of him had violated his lands...and him.

His men had looted, raped and burnt Russians left and right, not sparing even the infants. Whole villages torched, bonfires of screaming, terrified children – some of them only months old...

He blinked his eyes to get the images out of his mind. He would not let that affect him.

But the worst of all was his own feelings.

He didn't feel frightened of the Mongolian. What he felt was worse.

He was frightened of himself.

Himself and the hatred that danced across the black canvas of his mind like a red blaze.

He drew out his knife from the Mongolian's body, letting him fall at his feet, and shivering with disgust with the blood that now decorated his clothing, staining his hands and seeping into the white snow.

oOo

He could feel the flames. Flames of the Germans literally tearing their way into Russia.

He had given the command with a calm, composed voice and a sweet smile – the smile that had seemed to become his constant companion ever since the Bloody Sunday. He doubted that it would ever leave him alone. He had lost even the right to tears.

"Burn everything down." (1)

His voice – sweet and childish like always – had given no indication of the torments of the night before, when he had made his choice. But then, it was not much of a choice, was it? Not really. Because that was the only thing he could do.

His chest hurt from all the villages torched by his own hands to hold the ever-advancing enemy at bay. It did not reallly help that alrge amounts of his people were perishing everyday, leaving him with an ever increasing empty space in his chest – right where his heart was – should be, at least, if it hadn't popped out when he wasn't looking. Perhaps that was the reason for this emptiness – he felt his heart, finding that it was in its right place – then that wasn't it. What then was this sensation in his chest?

He flicked a match onto the thatched roof of the abandoned village he was currently in, and laughed, tears of agony running down his cheeks and sobs racking his tall frame. Even so, he couldn't stop laughing, because it felt natural to laugh and pretend to be happy even if his whole body was screaming in pain and his tears said otherwise.

Because he could stand the pain, but not the Emptiness.

**A/N: (1) Seriously, the Russians burnt down every region they had to retreat from so that the Nazis wouldn't get any rations. AND IT WORKED!**

**Song used is again Polyushka Plye by Origa (or is it Olga? :0)**

**AND NOW TIME FOR THE NOT-SO-SUBTLE BRIBE : If you review, I will return the favour if you have a story in one of my known fandoms out. (Though it might take some time...^^"""")**


	9. Omake II

**A/N: Omake II**

**Sorry for spamming your inboxes with crappy chapters that are not really chapters but short pathetic omakes guys -.-;;;**

**Date: 26th Dec, 2010**

_**Omake 2**_

_**Ivan Braginsky**_

"_The Wind scatters your brave songs - _

_Across the wide red field -"_

The figure sat still and unmoving – so still it may have easily been mistaken for a statue had the tan scraf not been billowing in the cold wind.

He was humming under his breath.

Thousands of peoplethronged across the giant television screen(1).

He didn't look.

He didn't need to look to know what had attracted everyone's interest.

The Nantucket Arms Reduction Treaty.

An important Reform.

A step ahead.

The policies of _Glasnost_ and _Prestroika_.(2)

All important steps in the reformation of the government in whose veins ran the poisoned blood of corruption.

All across the globe the people were hailing the new regime as a miraculous thing.

But only he knew that the 'Miracle' was going to go further than anyone would have ever expected. Or even imagined.

And he couldn't honestly say that he wanted to complain about it.

This slaughter had gone on for long enough. Of course he knew that all systems were corrupt … but obviously less corrupt systems could exist...

He hummed, turning around systems in his mind, searching for a type he could use in what would obviously be a new republic.

He felt a little sorry for Gorbachev and Yeltsin (3). The two had only wanted the people of the U.S.S.R. To lead a better, comparatively painless in a way, that objective would be achieved. Just in a different way. There would be no more U.S.S.R.

Ivan could feel his blood boiling, like it had in the November (4) of 1917,

He was sure about one thing – the U.S.S.R. - after having teetered on the edge and kept their place through sheer brute force – was going to fall. And soon.

And to say he did not care would be a blatant, shameless lie. He cared. A with the Fall, would end the suffering of his people. Russia himself was a victim of the Soviet abuse, too.

He felt like his body was on fire.

"Burn me down, da?"

He had always wanted to be like the Phoenix.

**A/N: Short omakes are short...**

**1 - Yeah, I don't really know if they had those things back in..1991? 1997? When the eff did the U.S.S.R. Fall, anyway?**

**2 - Openness and Reformation. The policy adopted by the then President Mikhail Gorbachev.**

**3 - Boris Yeltsin. Gorbachev's Chief Advisor who framed the Policy of 'Openness and Reformation'**

**Its referred to as the October, but the Russian Calendar is 13 days behind the Calendar we use, and I read somewhere it would be November in the World.**

**Lol if you made it this far, you get a free Soviet-flavoured cookie. Kindly don't ask me how I got that.**

**ALSO, no Communists take offense! Because none was meant. Screw it I myself hold Communist views, though I don't think its possible to be incorporated in the world. Like, no system is. However, after all the misuse and shit that goes on in the name of Communism...I digress.**

**ANYWAY : Song used: Polyushka Polye by Origa (or is it Olga? :0)**

**Thanks for reading. Reviews will be appreciated.**


	10. Song 8

_A/N: ..yeah, so sorry for spamming your inboxes.-.-;;_

_DATE: 12th January, 2011_

**Song 8 : All The Things She Saif t.A.T.u.**

**RusAme**

Communist, Capitalist – what did it matter?

Not that he would ever admit to that thought having ever crossed his mind – however briefly it might be.

But right now, lying in a field at night, all by himself, looking at the stars, he had no control over his he didn't particularly want to.

The moon rose slowly, a pale sphere – it was a full moon night, then, he mused – and he smiled at it. It reminded him of the night before the Apollo 11 was launched.

At first, he was wary of Amerika come to visit him on his own accord.

Amerika cut straight to the point and asked him if he knew about the Apollo 11. To Russia, of course, this was just another taunting session, but he reminded Amerika (rather caustically) that he had been the one to first send out a man in the space and that Amerika should be grateful to him, because it was his scientists who had laid the foundations.

Amerika, for once, read the atmosphere and interpreted it correctly – much to Russia's surprise. He put up his hands and said, "Nah man, I am sure you're gonna follow me there."

Russia toyed with the idea that Amerika was saying that because he was afraid of him, but the blond – as always – had something to surprise him with.

Standing on tip-toes (and cursing Russia's height), he kissed the taller shyly , before charging out of the door. He paused at the door frame and turned his head to look the taller in the eyes. "I've always thought..how it would be to escape from this world for once, with just the one you love."

Russia gave him a frown, for he was sure that Amerika had somehow known what went on his mind every night, and was mocking him with it. He said, tone slightly dark "I will follow you very soon, Amerika."

Amerika gave him a smile. "I know, Vanya, and I will be waiting for you there."

And Russia was suddenly left standing there with a warm feeling seeping into his chest.

_A/N: More fluff..I swear I'm going to get diabetes from all this fluff!_


	11. Song 9

_A/N: ...I told you so..._

_One more chapter to go~_

_I am not sure if I got my point across in here. If you didn't get it, I explained it in the Author's notes._

**Song 9: Welcome to My Freakshow – Nomy**

**-onesided- RusLiet**

He smiled excitedly, trying to decide what to wear.

Today was going to be a beautiful day!

He was going to make a friend!

Not that he was sure of it, after all things could always go wrong, but he had been watching this particular person from afar for centuries! And now they could be friends! He could fee it in his veins. This was going to be a happy day, and being happy meant that he wouldn't have to be lonely anymore!

He quickly buttoned up his tunic, humming under his breath to himself all the while, thinking about his friend. Maybe he could tell Ivan why he felt like this every time they were close? He suspected it must have something to do with them both being nations – this sudden flutter of heart and heating up of cheeks and feeling so wonderfully warm.

Perhaps they could play together in the sunflower field he had stumbled upon last year? Ivan hoped the cold would not bother his new friend too much.

Hmmmm~

He bounced slightly, unable to contain the excitement that was bubbling through his chest.

A voice from outside yelled at him to hurry up and he did so. It wouldn't be nice to keep his friend waiting, would it? Besides, every one said first impressions were important.

Just before bouncing out of the tent, he stopped, leaning towards a sunflower in a vase kept near his bedroll, his features softening.

"I am coming, Toris."

With an added spring in his steps, Ivan Braginsky bounced to the battle field.

_A/N: Read that last sentence, if you haven't gotten it. Does anyone honestly 'bounce' out to the battle field? And bring friends from there? I emphasised Russia's cracked psyche here (tried to at any rate-.-;;). And those 'feelings' he talks about are indeed love, poor Vanya doesn't know it since its his first time – hugs Vanechka – ._

_Thank you for reading and reviews help me put some thought into what I write. ***hint hint?*** _


	12. Song 10 Edition I

_A/N: The last installment..well it has been a nice 10 + 2 chapters knowing you all! Please read the Last Word, I wish to thank you all individually. Have a nice day~_

_DATE: 23rd January, 2011. _

**Song 10: Art of War – Sabaton – Edition I**

**RusAme hate-relationship, -onesided- RoPru.**

Hatred, they said, was a force stronger than love.

At nights like this, when they were desparately tearing at each other's clothes like two mad men – which atmittedly was exactly what the two of them had been reduced to by this … this 'thing' between them – , at nights like these when teeth clashed with teeth and tongue waged a war of Dominance against each other, they understood why.

Love, they say, was really being ready to go to desparate lengths to even see the one you loved.

At nights like this, after all the bloody bites and bleeding lips and bruised skin, when at last the other, broken from the daily torments he put him through, fell asleep, looking at the silverette's sleeping face, Ivan understood why.

_A/N: There's another edition of this, containing RusAme love-hate relationship and no RoPru. I will post that in the next chapter. The first paragraph, though, will be the same, but I'll include that just in case. Skip to the second paragraph if you will._

_Review~?_


	13. Song 10 Edition II

_A/N: I just found out that according to that profile quiz, I am Prussia, Canada and Germany (all at a tie). Congratulate me for being MPD, someone?_

_A/N: The last installment..well it has been a nice 10 + 2 + 1 chapters knowing you all! Please read the Last Word, I wish to thank you all individually. Have a nice day~_

_Date : 23rd January, 2011_

**Song 10: Art of War – Sabaton – Edition II**

**RusAme love-hate-relationship**

Hatred, they said, was a force stronger than love.

At nights like this, when they were desparately tearing at each other's clothes like two mad men – which atmittedly was exactly what the two of them had been reduced to by this … this 'thing' between them – , at nights like these when teeth clashed with teeth and tongue waged a war of Dominance against each other, they understood why.

Love, they say, was really being ready to go to desparate lengths to even see the one you loved.

At nights like this, after all the bloody bites and bleeding lips and bruised skin, when at last the other, fell asleep, looking at the other's peaceful sleeping face, he understood why.

_A/N: This is edition II, I left the last 'he' ( "..he understood why") open. The 'other' refers to any one of them who falls asleep first, sometimes it is America, sometimes Russia. Both of them feel the same way. But if that does not satisfy you (and I see where you are coming from, the one in love must stay up for the other to fall asleep just so he can observe his love, hmm~? In which case I will say that they turned it into a competetion of sorts since they were both in love. And super powers have tiring days (not that I would know -.-;;) so one of them eventually has to give up._

_0.0 I swear that made sense in my head!) in that case, put whomever you want in that place. I kept it open, after all._

_Review~?_

_And read the one after this, please?_


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